The " Hey Buddy, Can You Spare a Kidney?", edition.

iPod shuffled to Stevie Wonder, "Superstition". Now that takes me back. Feeling a bit maudlin this weekend.  Possibly from cabin fever. Lamenting the fact that the kidney failure upended my life. I was looking forward to retiring and doing stuff. I retired earlier than I'd planned. I was decidedly in the throes of kidney failure in January 2012 (unbeknownst to me ).  Heh. A full on cliche sentence.  Anyway.  It was getting more and difficult to even move. I woke up every morning with nausea worse than any morning sickness I'd experienced when pregnant.  I had no appetite. It was difficult to stay awake at work. I was ready to leave at 2.  I'd get home and fall asleep.  Getting out of chairs was a huge challenge. If the chair had wheels and was set low, it was almost impossible to get up without assistance.  I had to bounce to get momentum to riseup out of a chair. Toilet seats were too low at work. And the handicap stalls were in the basement. It hurt too much to go there from my 5th floor office.  If there were an emergency, I'd get trampled trying to go 5 flights down the stairs.

Chicago, "Saturday in the Park".  This is reminding me of summer...yes, released July 1972. :)   All that to say that by March, 2012 I submitted my retirement paperswork for July 6, 2012.   I initially was going for my last to be June 30, 2012.  The administrative assistant convinced me to go for a date after July 1, 2012,  the fiscal new year. This would allow for the vacation days and sick days would be applied. Great idea. :)   My last day at work was at the end of June 2012. A few weeks later, in mid July, Shawn and I went to Vegas to visit mom. I had hoped seeing Shawn would help mom get better.  Well, it didn't, but she sure was happy to see her only grand child. Heh. Vegas in July is HOT!!!!  

Soul Survivors, "Expressway to Your Heart".  Classic.  After we returned to Detroit, it was getting more and more difficult to move. I went to my doctor.  The pressing symptom was the dibilitating morning nausea.  I got treated for digestive tract issues, ending with a colonoscopy in early October.  (fun times!!). Well, my colon was just fine.  I went back the last week in October. The staff and doctor were surprised and concerned with my appearance and my mobility issues.  He scheduled me for a battery of tests on Friday. I had seen him on Wednesday. Also, my first breathing issue occurred just as I was leaving his office.  In retrospect, I should have gone back in. 

Maxwell, "Acension (Don't Ever Wonder). My youngest employee was a big Maxwell fan. Her cubicle was plastered with his photos...along with the Detroit Lions. Lol.  Oh yeah, I'd registered for a beading class at Wayne County Community College.  Not only could I not get a handicap space, it seemed the closest spaces were 1/2 mile away. I parked and hobbled to class, though. I just got too tired and confused to continue.  Making that bracelet seemed be just too difficult. 

So I was supposed to learning beading, do water aerobics, travel.  Instead I almost died. 4 months after I retired. WTF?  I want some semblance of life back.  I want to travel without planning months in advance. I want to function 7 days a week, not 4. I want a Bloody Mary, banana pudding and red beans and rice.  I want to drink when I'm thirsty, not limited to 40 ounces of fluid a day. Worried if I drink to much, I'll have a heart attack. 

 But Pat, you're doing well!!  Am I?  Really?  I'm always waiting for the side effects of dialysis and kidney failure to happen. I'm wondering what are my limitations of being on Medicare.  What is my new life expectancy?   I'm just being kept alive by being hooked up to a machine. At the mercy of strangers. Strangers with protective clothing in case they get sprayed with our blood. This sucks.  And I'm watching the old dude across from me. Something went wrong and now they're waiting for transport to the hospital.  Will I be next?  Welcome to my life. 

Well, now you know what's in my head behind the smile. Signing off with The Esquires, "Get on Up".  "How can you set yourself down for a rest, when you know I'm trying my best ....to dance with you". 

Be grateful with the life you have and your health.