The "Attitude and Dialysis", edition.

Good Sunday morning. The good thing about using Facebook as the medium for pushing out my blog is Facebook does that memories thing. I get a chance to read what I wrote 2-4 years ago. Things I forgot I wrote about. Whew. Been doing dialysis for four years.  Anyway. Reading past entries reminds of things I've forgotten. And a lot of the entries gives me perspective on my current attitude and take on dialysis and ESRD. 

Once I was out of the hospital, I was  still weak.  I used a walker...and thanks to the nurse who woke me in the middle of the night to make me get used to using the walker. She distracted me by having me talk about Shawn. Lol. Smart woman!  Once out of the hospital I started going to a dialysis clinic. The last thing I wanted to do was to get up and get moving. I was just too tired and weak. And it was winter. And I had no clothes that fit. Whine whine whine. 

I got to the clinic that first day and I was tired and cranky. And the people in the waiting room didn't look too happy either. But after a more times, the patients opened up and started chatting with me and giving me tips and suggestions. 

One day I noticed a lady who was dressed to the nines. Looking like she was on her way to church. Even her cane was bedazzled!!  Hair done, nails done and yes, she  was a patient. Something clicked. I remember my mom had drilled into that when I go out I should always look presentable.  So I decided to up my game when I went to treatment. 

Within a few weeks I went to get a haircut. Yes it was an ordeal sitting in the chair, but I needed a haircut. A few weeks later I got a manicure. I got some fashionable clothes that fit, even a stylish red coat.  I started wear jewelry and even started carry that sharp purse I'd purchased before I got so sick.  I was still weak and tired. And periodically passing out. But!  I felt better because I thought I was looking better. And I started going to treatment with..well not with a frown. And sometimes with a smile. And a smile made a difference.  It go to the point where I entered the treatment area greeting staff and patients with a hearty hello and a smile. And they'd smile and greet me back. Well most of them. Lol. My crowning moment was when I came in after a weekend and asked a patient how he was doing and he told me with a smile that he had diarrhea that weekend but he was ok now. Roflamo. Talk about TMI. Lol.  The nurses and techs chuckled. And all I could say was I was glad he felt better. Lol. 

I guess my point is that more often than not I just carried a positive attitude. Yes, there are days when I wallow in self pity. But as long as I can function I keep on pushing. And it's all in the attitude. Now I have a caveat. This is personal to me. Not all people with ESRD, on dialysis or any chronic disease will have a positive attitude. Nor should they be expected to have a positive attitude. I dunno it's like I push negative thoughts aside...until they just pop out. And that's fine. But the positive attitude was reignited when I saw the lady dressed to the nines. And did I mention she always had a smile and greeted everyone with that smile?  And it's really hard to smile after having your body getting beat up after 3-4 hours of incenter dialysis. It's all in the attitude. 

That's it for today. I still hate dialysis and everything that goes with it, but I see nothing positive about stewing about the situation. Sometimes all you need to feel better is a little lipstick....or a bedazzled cane!!

Enjoy your day!