The "I Accept ", edition.

Good Wednesday morning.  I guess we've adjusted to daylight savings time. We're waking up at the "same" time, although it's kinda dark. But the good part is watching the sun rise. Our apartment faces true east. Before the sun crests the mountain, a beautiful riot of pinks, oranges and blues glow over the valley. Heh. That reminded me the first time I actually saw a sunrise. It was after an overnighter at University of Michigan. I appreciated the beauty, but I was tired and appalled that I'd been up all night. I really didn't want to see anymore sunrises. Age and life changes all of that. :-)  the sun rise is beautiful. 

Yesterday I was listening to story about a proposed mass transportation project, a people mover from UNLV to Valley View Hospial and UMC hospital and to the new UNLV medical school. No, I didn't hear a reason for the destinations being hospitals. Then the announcer said it was in the planning stages...you know know, meeting with the public and figuring out funding (they expect half from the federal government). The expected date of operation is 2023. Seven years from now. That got me thinking.

Seven years from now I'll be age 66. Will be I alive then?  Being on dialysis keeps me alive. Sort of. The act of dialysis is hard on my organs. You already know that my heart is taking a beating. You know. From the low blood pressure episodes. I walk a fine line with calcium. Watching the potassium, otherwise I can have a fatal heart attack. And if I miss days of treatment, my lungs fill up with fluid...in addition to the build up of toxins in my body. So what is it that I accept?  That I will probably die sooner than later. Now I'm not trying to die, but once my kidneys failed, my life expectancy tanked. 

So while I accept my impending death, I've still made plans and goals. The primary goal is seeing Shawn graduate. She's about at the midway point. Another goal is the threefold celebration of my 60th birthday, Brian's 60th birthday and our wedding anniversary of 30 years. We plan on having a grand party, inviting our friends and family. It will be next year. We'll let you know when and hope you can attend. Yes, we will securing rooms for a reduced rate. I digress. I plan on remodeling our tiny kitchen. I watch what too much "Property Brothers". The renovations are great. (And great eye candy!  Lol). I also have some more traveling to do. I'd like to visit every state.  All that being said, I still accept that I will die sooner than later.  

Well what if I get a transplant?  It will probably prolong my life and will certainly improve my quality of life. But I'm not counting on it. If it happens, it happens. Eh. My dialysis machine keeps me alive and kills me at the same time. {That was a random thought!}. Anyway. I accept I will die sooner than later. And I'm not afraid of death. Some days I wish death would come. (Much to Brian's chagrin). Not often, so don't worry. But come on. How would you feel if you had to do a 3.5 hour treatment where you insert needles in your arm and sit while blood is moved in and out your body 5 days a week. I don't look forward to this and I know you wouldn't. It's freaking tiresome. Of  course there are days I don't want to do it. Unfortunately the consequences are death. Bah.   This isn't as depressing as it sounds. It just is. I'm not trying to die but if I die, I die. 

Now for better news. First I'm loving the deep water fitness. The instructor is a beast, but I'm enjoying it. Water resistance exercise wears you out. Oh yeah. A technician stopped by yesterday to update the software in my dialysis machine. My machine was his first failure of the day. Of course. Lol. A new machine will be delivered today. Fortunately I'd had 2 days of treatment, so skipping last night was a nonissue. Finally, the best news of the day, the week, even maybe the month.  I received a call from my social worker. She was able to get me financial assistance with one of my meds.  The one that cost $620.00 for 30 pills. Over $20 a pill. I'll call the people today to finalize the registration. Right now I'm loving my social worker a whole lot. She's working on the meds that cost $1800 for a month. 

So that's it for today. Got a few trips planned for the summer, including a road trip to California (looking at you, Shirley). The lease will be up on the car. We'll be looking at an SUV to cart around my dialysis machine..which I need to give a name..Kenny the kidney, maybe?  Lol. I need to think about it. Anyway. Have a wonderful day. I may not be afraid to die, but I'll tell ya, my little family loves me and I love them. Life is good!