On the cooking front, Brian made shrimp fried rice from a recipe floating around on Facebook. It was delicious. It goes on the rotation. While at the grocery store I picked up a rotisserie chicken to make chicken salad. I didn't realize until the chicken was in that cart that I picked up lemon pepper rotisserie chicken!! That sounds like tasty chicken salad! I'm also going to make sriracha deviled eggs and finally some dip using fresh herbs and Greek yogurt. I'll let you know how that goes.
On the dialysis front, last evening's treatment was not good. I'm doing good keeping the excess fluid off, but I am crazy aware and scared of hitting that point where too much fluid is removed during treatment. Well. Last night started out fine. The needles went in fine, no alarms, blood pressure is stable. I fell asleep during the second hour. I woke up feeling ok, then in about 5 minutes I got light headed, warm, clammy, nauseous and to add something new, my chest was hurting. Geez. I asked Brian for saline...the salty solution usually helps bring up the blood pressure. And it worked. I'm trying not to panic and just practice breathing and relaxation techniques. I did throw up. Which is rare, but whatever. And eventually my chest stopped hurting. Brian asked if I was having a heart attack. I didn't know. It was over in about 15 minutes. And within 30 minutes, treatment was complete. And then I felt better.
So this brings us back to a Do Not Rescusitate order. Over a year ago, a dear friend if mine died from complications of dialysis treatment. And now, an online friend is dying from complications of dialysis treatments. Both of these men had to use feeding tubes. And my friend had breathing tube. And was confined to the hospital or a rehab location for almost 8 months. For 8 months he wasted away. His family and him agreed on a do not Rescusitate order after a while. The other young man has horrific side effects and it is heartbreaking reading about his struggles and suffering. His mom is his caregiver and she's pretty much given up all hope now. And she did every single thing she could to get him better. But now she's resigned to the do not Rescusitate and it appears it's at the request of her son. I'm heartbroken.
Brian and I have talked about this. I watched Mom waste away for 13 months. I watched Wendell for 8 months. I don't want that quality of life. I cannot fathom being confined not only to a bed, but a bed in a medical favility for an extended period of time. With a feeding tube. Not being able to get out of bed....and endure dialysis? No thank you. Brian says he's greedy and wants me around as long as possible. But a line has to be drawn. And after last night I thought about do not Rescusitate. When those episodes happen, I am dying. My blood pressure can only drop so low and then.....
Ok moving on. I'm ok today and I'm sure my nurse will call once we send in the flow sheets. Finally I told you I'm going to get on the transplant list here. But since I don't have a secondary insurance, thank you State of Michigan Emergency manger and Rick Snyder, I will gave to pay an additional $15,000+ for the surgery. Yay? And let's not talk about the 3 year limit financial assistance on anti-rejection drugs. It's more visit effective to die slowly on dialysis. Heh.
Ok. It sounds depressing, but I'm moving on. I have plans for the weekend and then I'm thinking about seeing the Cirque de Soleil Michael Jackson show. And Brian wants to see Blue Man Group. Tickets are either half price or buy one, get on free for locals! ;-) That's it for today. Time to start boiling the eggs! Have a great weekend. And Happy AKA Founders day, today. 108 years!!! Proud to be pink and green!!
The decision to not resuscitate, about becoming incapacitated, foreseen and unforseen complications, having good days, bad days and almost unbearable days it all comes with chronic and multiple chronic illnesses. Those are very difficult things to deal with. I can only imagine what you go through. Insurances and medical expenses added to the mix, it is a lot to deal with. I am praying for you my friend. Take one moment at a time. It's the only thing that can be done. Stay strong.
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