100 entries!! Oh my. Actually 99 published. There is an entry I've started, but I can't focus on it. It's about my mom. The blog came about after writing entries about being in dialysis in late January. I'd been on dialysis since early November. By January I feeling more like my self. "I'm So Proud", The Main Ingredient", pre Cuba Gooding. Few people knew I'd been ill. Not because I didn't want friends and family to know. We were just trying to get a handle on the enormous change we'd just experienced. My entire (little family) were affected. As mom and wife, I was accustomed to being the primary caregiver...taking care of my family. Now I was utterly dependent on them. The very last thing I wanted was to interrupt my daughter's life. I'm not her responsibility. Brian still had to go to work. I protested and apologized for having to take care of me. They weren't having it.
I initially had to use the walker to get around the house. Even to the bathroom. I needed help getting up. If I sat in a chair, I listed to the side. I needed help getting dressed and undressed. I needed help going up and down stairs. I had to use stairs to get in and out of the house. Someone had to drive me to dialysis Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for my 2:15 appointment. After I passed out, I needed a wheelchair when I left treatment. "Pump it Up", MC Hammer...lol great song to come to break this serious train of thought. "Pump it up......LOUDER" "Identify snakes". Lol. With some James Brown sampling. :-).
When Shawn and Brian had to go to work and school, I was home alone for 8 or more hours. I'd have breakfast, but I'd get hungry around lunch time. I made it to the kitchen with the walker, but was too weak to make a sandwich. The pitcher to pour water was way to heavy. Yes, sandwiches were left for me eventually. :-). I remember that it took so much effort. I started to make popcorn. I was so tired afterwards. 5 minutes of standing wore me out. By the end of January, I'm much better. I'm not sure when I ditched the walker, but I am stronger. I am motivated to get better. Mom is in hospice. I was told she had 2 months at best.
I told my tech, social worker, vascular surgeon and nephrologist I need to get to Las Vegas to see her. Everyone was accommodating. My travel forms for dialysis were expedited. We were scheduled to leave on February 15, 2013. Mom died on January 30, 2013. I want write about her last 13 months, but can't collect my thoughts, so 100th the entry sits unfinished in draft form. Maybe one day.
So I know by this time, I'd ditched the walker. I also needed to vacate the downstairs bedroom for dad. It was time to tackle the stairs to our bedroom (much to Brian's delight-lol). "Keep on Lovin' Me", The Whispers. Love me those little twins, Scotty and Walter. :-) I had crawl up the stairs. It was some kind of exercise, I guess. Lol. I needed to get and be stronger anyway. And I am. :-)
I miss my mom. I would lay in bed, cuddled up to her. She'd call me Baby and would hug me. We'd both laugh at her 50+ year old "baby". That being said, I'm glad I had her as long as I did. :-).
Signing off with The Dells, "Stay in My Corner".
I will.
It seems that the pain of losing mom just never goes away. It's even more challenging when your own health happens to be a challenge at the same time. I really understand. It's amazing how we come to deal with both. By the grace of God.
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